self portraits

In the mirror

It’s taken me some thirty years, but I’ve finally come to embrace my imperfections and all. Sure, there are days when I feel ‘blah’ and definitely, I could be significantly fitter, but – my freckles, my dark circles, my scars, my post-baby middle… well, they’re simply a part of who I am and there’s no need to change any of it. Plus, my husband tells me every day that I am beautiful, so why should I not believe him?

This photo reminds me a lot of this poem that I wrote about a month after Cameron died. A lot has happened since then, but the truth behind the poem still stands. Our loss, our grief, and our tears alongside our perseverance, our joys, and our laughter – all these can still be seen when I look in the mirror.

Tonight my thoughts and prayers are with our college friends who lost their four month old baby one week ago today. Tomorrow we will go to his memorial service and we will cry and grieve and weep and mourn with his family. All death is tragic, but the loss of your own child – that is something that no-one should have to suffer.

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I miss layers…

I am not wearing this today. It is something like thirty degrees outside. I am not that crazy. (Really, I’m not. Although I was wearing a Bonds hoodie earlier, but let’s not go there.)

I love all the seasons, but I’m definitely one of those people who prefer the cold over the heat. Probably because the heat in Sydney can reach frightening temperatures. Plus, I love being able to wrap a scarf around my neck and dive into a warm bed at night (thank you, electric blanket).

Anyway, Rick has taken all three boys to the park right now, thus allowing me some quiet time at home by myself before the daily nightmare (I kid!) routine of dinnertime and bedtime commences. It’s been just lovely to have the chance to explore some new blogs, especially after the crazy work schedule I had this week which almost cost me my sanity and the ability to remember my kids’ names. As for later tonight, I shall be photo tagging in Aperture once more. Isn’t that what Saturday nights are all about?

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Birthday suit

Well, it’s finally spring weather here in Sydney (though today’s chills and rain threw us all into confusion) so I’m wearing colour again. Don’t worry black and grey, you guys will still always be my besties.

As for the crude title – it was Angus’ birthday party on Saturday and this was what I wore…

(The Boho handbag giveaway ends on Friday night so if you want to enter, do it now!)

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Monday is number one day…

…it’s the first day of the week!

Eer, what? Sorry, I’ve got The Wiggles in my head – or more specifically, the (dreaded) Wiggly Waffles on ABC (here’s hoping my fellow Australian mums know what I’m ranting about).

Apart from the fact that Monday is my day to fold the (ever mounting pile of) laundry, Monday is actually one of my favourite days of the week.

For one thing, the boys and I don’t have anything on on a Monday. Which means we don’t have to go out. Which means I don’t have to think about the two hats, six nappies, two bottles of formula, one bottle of milk, two bottles of water, two dummies, two dummy clips, one bib, two bananas, half a dozen Kruskits and a million sultanas that I normally have to contend with before we head out the door. (Did I say a million? I meant a billion.)

I also don’t have to get dressed. For a very, very long time. As long as possible in fact. What’s that, honey? People are coming over after dinner? Fine, I’ll brush my teeth and get out of my sweatpants. (Only kidding – we’re all about oral hygiene here at Casa Mason.)

But more importantly, Angus and I get some precious one-on-one time together while the two younger boys do their morning naps. Some days we read. Some days we watch Postman Pat together. Some days we build entire cities out of wooden blocks. Some days we play hide and seek in my wardrobe (that’s him hiding and me lying on the bed – not falling asleep of course). Some days he even helps me fold the laundry.

So in the spirit of this ‘number one’ day, let me ask you this: When do you fold your laundry?

(Or the question behind the question: How long between folding and putting away?)

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A ball at the ball

We had a ball at the Stillbirth Foundation Australia ball last night.

Not only was money raised for much needed research into the causes of stillbirth, but it was the most amazing way for us to end this week of remembering Cameron and of celebrating his precious life. My very dear friends Salina, Agnes and Kitty came along too, and I’m so incredibly grateful to them for their support. I love you guys.

A ‘Stillbirth in Australia’ booklet was launched at the ball: it is the first of its kind in our country, and it will be distributed to maternity wards so that parents can have solid and tangible information available to them when they lose their baby.

I had the honour and privilege of designing this booklet, and as I was doing so, I was reminded again of the haunting statistics: Over 2,000 babies are stillborn in Australia every year. Worldwide, 3 million families worldwide will experience a stillbirth every year, with 2.65 million stillbirths occurring in late pregnancy. These figures are shocking to say the least.

Thinking back, I was so naive and so underinformed during my pregnancy with Cameron. I had heard of stillbirth, but I hadn’t known anything about it. To be sure, I didn’t think there was any possibility of it happening to me – especially not once Cameron was full term. I just assumed that after the first trimester, all would be well. If only I had known more.

Naturally, I wore Cameron’s locket to the ball, which was a present from Kitty in the early months after he died. I love being able to carry his photo close to my heart. Angus knows that it’s my special locket, and as Rick and I were leaving for the ball, he had a quick peek inside and pointed out that “That’s Cameron and mummy!” I wish he could’ve met his older brother. God-willing, one day he will.

Thanks to everyone for their thoughtful messages and kind words this week. I have truly appreciated every single one.

And last but not least, here are some happy snaps of yours truly with my beautiful friends…

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Mummy versus penguin

Welcome to point form Fridays, my friends!

1) I got jabbed pretty badly today by a pathologist. Not once. Not twice. But three times. The third time hurt so much I think I almost said a bad word in my head.

2) Rick made me the most divine hot chocolate (with pink marshmallows) earlier in the week and since then I have been in love. (With both man and drink.)

3) Pete now says “stop” and “shop.” Future possible occupations: traffic controller, retailer or poet.

4) I found out about Pottermore this morning! Awesomeness.

5) This is not why I’m wearing the owl pendant above.

6) At dinner on Tuesday night, Angus said, “Mummy has big bum and baby penguin (his toy) has small bum.”

7) He also said, “Mummy has big tummy and baby penguin has small tummy.”

8) Clearly mummy wins since big is better than small, right?

9) I’ve started updating Cameron’s blog again.

10) It is 10.15pm and I still need to cook dinner.

Happy weekend everybody!

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Asian habits die hard

It’s back to faceless photos of me on this lovely Friday.

Although technically it’s not actually Friday anymore here in Sydney. It’s 12.30am, which means I should’ve been in bed at least an hour ago. But my Asian upbringing tells me this is okay. It is okay to stay up past 1am or even 2am, much less midnight. It’s okay as long as one is doing something productive like:

1) watching television
2) singing karaoke
3) playing cards
4) playing mahjong
5) reading comics, or
6) updating one’s blog.

I’m pretty sure that if I rang up my parents right now, they would also still be awake (most likely engaging in option 1 – watching television).

Today I made Jamie laugh. Not once. Not twice. But five times! You guys, my heart almost melted. It was without doubt the highlight of my day – a truly precious moment that I will cherish forever.

And on that note, I wish you all a happy weekend filled with precious moments with family and friends.

(Mum/dad, if you’re reading this, turn that television off now and go to sleep!)

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The hoodie strikes back

The plague is back. I had thought that we’d successfully purged our home of all ailments, but it seems that the boys and I are crook once more. I am quite over it by now. How many different strains of viruses and bugs can we possibly attract? Surely we should be immune by now. Surely!

On days like this, the only thing I feel like wearing is my Bonds hoodie. Well, not the only thing, but you know what I mean. Hoodies are like my comfort clothing in the same way that chicken wings are my comfort food. You might say that I feel invincible in my hoodie. (But unlike Rick, I actually do know that I’m not invincible…)

Anyway, to wrap up this week:

Angus knows that “daddy’s big car has diesel and mummy’s green car has petrol.” Which means he now knows as much about cars as I do.

Yesterday after his dinner, Pete took the piece of tissue on his high chair tray and proceeded to wipe his own mouth and the tray. Today he tried to wipe down the bookshelf with a blue Chux. Which means I’ve successfully passed on my somewhat OCD tendencies to my little guy. (Woops!)

And as for James, he’s now ten (and a half) weeks old and loves to smile away.

Happy Friday!

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Go the slouchy

Just as I suspected – the slouchy top is like the perfect answer to a post baby body. It drapes over all those ‘bits’ and makes even a belly like mine seem nondescript. Together with my Spanx and jeggings, the slouchy top is now officially one of my fashion favourites. And look – no black! Happy weekend people!

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It’s not black

As you can see, I’m trying really hard to inject more colour into my everyday wear. The only black I’m wearing here are my tights. Though my dress looks like it’s black, I really must insist that it’s not. It’s dark navy. Really, it is.

Anyway, for most of today we have been down one parent in the Mason household. After dinner last night with some of my dear uni friends, I woke up in the middle of the night to four quiet words from Rick: “I’m going to spew.” And thus unravelled the rest of the night and most of today – which kind of explains why I consumed three coffees today within four hours. Luckily, we were ‘up’ two grandparents tonight so I really can’t complain. Let me say now for the record: single parents are the most amazing people in the world, for whom I have the greatest respect and admiration.

May you all have a healthier weekend than us! (If you must know, I’m watching I Am Legend all alone at the moment and it’s freaking me out. Gotta go.)

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