crossprocess

And they’re back

It is officially summer now in Sydney but the rain – stubbornly and annoyingly – refuses to relent. Thankfully, we had a few hours of rare sunshine yesterday so Rick and I whisked the boys off to Balmoral as soon as we spied the blue sky. Not long after midday, though, these majestic clouds started rolling in and it was quite amusing watching all the couples and families fleeing the beach to avoid the downpour. We made it out just in time ourselves.

Anyway, I was working on my visual diary last night using my Cross Process snapshots and I realised just how much I’ve missed sharing them on my blog. Naturally I am loving my Canon 1.4 USM lens, but there’s nothing quite like capturing fleeting moments on the iPhone and then watching my photos being ‘processed’ into dreamy film shots. Plus, the fake analogue shutter sound that’s synonymous with the Cross Process app is just delicious.

So, for better or for worse, I’ve decided to bring back my snapshots. Brace yourselves.

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Birthday suit

Well, it’s finally spring weather here in Sydney (though today’s chills and rain threw us all into confusion) so I’m wearing colour again. Don’t worry black and grey, you guys will still always be my besties.

As for the crude title – it was Angus’ birthday party on Saturday and this was what I wore…

(The Boho handbag giveaway ends on Friday night so if you want to enter, do it now!)

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Land Rover drivers anonymous

You know your spouse is obsessed with Land Rovers if:

He walks up to every Land Rover he sees on the street and gives it a good look-in.
He waves to other Land Rover drivers or gives them the thumbs up and then gets upset if they don’t reciprocate.
He chooses his parking spot based on its proximity to another Land Rover.
He posts angry comments on the Land Rover Facebook page about the proposed concepts for the new Defender. Repeatedly.

You know it’s serious when:

Your two year old can identify other Rovers on the road (“That’s a little bit like our car.”).
He also tells you that his “favourite toy is a Land Rover.”
You start waving at other Land Rover drivers too, without even knowing it. (If this has happened to you too, please contact me and tell me I’m not alone. I beg you.)

Despite my tendency to poke fun at my dear husband, I must confess that I’ve actually become quite fond of our Land Rover Discovery. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a pain and a half to get in and out of for a short Asian female like myself, but I genuinely enjoy driving it (though possibly not parking it) and we really do have a lot of fun in it.

Like when we drove to the middle of nowhere back in July, disembarked and spent our family time exploring a little known fire trail. It was completely spontaneous, unplanned and almost uneventful, but it was somehow just lots of fun. (Plus, the boot of our Discovery seriously does lend itself to being the best portable nappy changing table ever, which is handy when you have three kids in nappies.)

What car is your better half obsessed with?

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Monday is number one day…

…it’s the first day of the week!

Eer, what? Sorry, I’ve got The Wiggles in my head – or more specifically, the (dreaded) Wiggly Waffles on ABC (here’s hoping my fellow Australian mums know what I’m ranting about).

Apart from the fact that Monday is my day to fold the (ever mounting pile of) laundry, Monday is actually one of my favourite days of the week.

For one thing, the boys and I don’t have anything on on a Monday. Which means we don’t have to go out. Which means I don’t have to think about the two hats, six nappies, two bottles of formula, one bottle of milk, two bottles of water, two dummies, two dummy clips, one bib, two bananas, half a dozen Kruskits and a million sultanas that I normally have to contend with before we head out the door. (Did I say a million? I meant a billion.)

I also don’t have to get dressed. For a very, very long time. As long as possible in fact. What’s that, honey? People are coming over after dinner? Fine, I’ll brush my teeth and get out of my sweatpants. (Only kidding – we’re all about oral hygiene here at Casa Mason.)

But more importantly, Angus and I get some precious one-on-one time together while the two younger boys do their morning naps. Some days we read. Some days we watch Postman Pat together. Some days we build entire cities out of wooden blocks. Some days we play hide and seek in my wardrobe (that’s him hiding and me lying on the bed – not falling asleep of course). Some days he even helps me fold the laundry.

So in the spirit of this ‘number one’ day, let me ask you this: When do you fold your laundry?

(Or the question behind the question: How long between folding and putting away?)

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My culinary skills made me cry yesterday

Don’t be fooled.

This photo has nothing to do with my culinary skills. These were in fact some mussels I enjoyed during our holidays. Not cooked by me.

Yesterday I tried to chop an onion.

I wanted to get those beautiful onion rings to add to my, ahem, pre-made supermarket salad.

Sadly, for me, cutting up an onion has not yet made it to my list of skills. Even though I am thirty-one years old.

This became obvious yesterday when I massacred an entire onion without producing any said onion rings. For something like five to ten minutes, tears streamed down my face as I wrestled with the ~~frigging~~ stubborn onion.

My high-pitched cries of distress and frustration must’ve echoed all the way to the studio, where Rick was quietly working from home.

Thankfully, my husband is a compassionate and non-judgmental kind of guy.

Graciously, he came out to inspect my onion and said matter-of-factly, “Yes, you have massacred the onion.” With no hint of who-is-this-person-whom-I-have-married whatsoever.
(I am a blessed woman.)

Gently, he told me to save the massacred onion for dinner, brought out a second onion and proceeded to show ~~the idiot~~ me how you actually chop an onion. Properly.

My mother-in-law should be so proud.

Happy weekend everyone!

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Rendezvous

Even though it was almost a month ago, I still remember our holiday with much fondness. In fact, I’m quite certain life has been that little bit better since our break.

I just loved lazing around with the boys and Rick. Doing nothing is not usually my forte to say the least, but I thought I did good during our week away in August. I don’t think I’d felt that calm or peaceful all year.

Rendezvous was the place where we stayed. It was absolutely beautiful. If you are ever visiting Sydney and fancy a short stay on the South Coast, I highly recommend this amazing house. Seriously, you will leave feeling like a different person!

Angus loved it so much that he still talks about “the different house” and asks us why we can’t live there. (Though the big screen television may have something to do with that.)

One thing I did manage to achieve during that week was to get to bed before eleven. And in the interest of re-creating that holiday feeling just for one night, I bid you farewell so that I may adjourn to my humble boudoir.

Nighty night.

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A ball at the ball

We had a ball at the Stillbirth Foundation Australia ball last night.

Not only was money raised for much needed research into the causes of stillbirth, but it was the most amazing way for us to end this week of remembering Cameron and of celebrating his precious life. My very dear friends Salina, Agnes and Kitty came along too, and I’m so incredibly grateful to them for their support. I love you guys.

A ‘Stillbirth in Australia’ booklet was launched at the ball: it is the first of its kind in our country, and it will be distributed to maternity wards so that parents can have solid and tangible information available to them when they lose their baby.

I had the honour and privilege of designing this booklet, and as I was doing so, I was reminded again of the haunting statistics: Over 2,000 babies are stillborn in Australia every year. Worldwide, 3 million families worldwide will experience a stillbirth every year, with 2.65 million stillbirths occurring in late pregnancy. These figures are shocking to say the least.

Thinking back, I was so naive and so underinformed during my pregnancy with Cameron. I had heard of stillbirth, but I hadn’t known anything about it. To be sure, I didn’t think there was any possibility of it happening to me – especially not once Cameron was full term. I just assumed that after the first trimester, all would be well. If only I had known more.

Naturally, I wore Cameron’s locket to the ball, which was a present from Kitty in the early months after he died. I love being able to carry his photo close to my heart. Angus knows that it’s my special locket, and as Rick and I were leaving for the ball, he had a quick peek inside and pointed out that “That’s Cameron and mummy!” I wish he could’ve met his older brother. God-willing, one day he will.

Thanks to everyone for their thoughtful messages and kind words this week. I have truly appreciated every single one.

And last but not least, here are some happy snaps of yours truly with my beautiful friends…

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A heartfelt message

Happy fourth birthday Cam.

Wish you were here.

Love always,
Mum xoxo

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Today…

There are no words.

We miss him. We love him. We are remembering him.

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The other way around

Spring is once again upon us, and with it, warmer air and bluer skies.

The tree outside the boys’ bedroom is awash with tiny yellow flowers: every time I pull up the blinds, it’s the first thing I see. It reminds me of the cherry blossom tree outside the room that was meant to be Cameron’s – it too had been in full bloom back then, during the last days of my pregnancy.

I guess the truth is that I have been avoiding spring.

I have not allowed myself to revel in its beauty and its warmth.

To accept that spring is here means accepting that four years has now past since we lost our Cameron. Four years. Four years.

Four years ago yesterday was the last time we heard his heartbeat.

Four years ago today I was frantically preparing for his birth and arrival.

Four years ago tomorrow was the last whole day we had with him.

Four years ago Thursday was the day that we lost him.

Four years ago Friday was the day we finally met him.

And the last time we ever saw him.

Spring is here.

But Cameron is not.

And though I know it cannot be, I wish with all my heart it was the other way around.

(This post was originally written for Life Without Cameron.)

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