Angus

Something he said

One of our parishioners gave me this lovely bunch of basil at church on Sunday. I popped it in a glass of water when I got home, and placed it onto our kitchen windowsill. I’ve been looking at it all day today, every time I pop in and out of the kitchen. It’s such a lovely, vibrant green. I love the freshness it adds to the room. One of these days, just maybe, we might start a herb garden of our own.

Last night, Angus pointed out to Rick during bedtime that there were a lot of photos of Cameron at our old house. For someone who is only three and a half, he understands a lot, notices everything and has an amazing memory. He knows that Cameron is a part of our family, even though he’s never met him. During bedtimes with Rick, he’ll tell Rick that he loves Cameron too, along with the rest of the family. He’s a beautiful boy, our Angus.

His comment about the photos of Cameron at our old place got me thinking: why haven’t I put up photos of Cam in our new home? After all, I can count on one hand how many framed photos we have: there’s one of the three boys in our family room; there’s one of Rick and me on our wedding day in the lounge; and there’s one of Angus and Pete with Rick in their room. Why didn’t I include Cameron’s photo somewhere? To think I didn’t even notice till Angus mentioned it. Such a contrast to when he first died, and I was desperate to fill our home with photos of him to help ease the pain.

Still, some things don’t change.

I experience the same stab of sadness when Angus is labelled our “first,” or Pete our “second,” or Jamie our “third.” I notice the empty seat at our dinner table every night. I weep when I read stories of other women whose babies were born sleeping. I continue to wonder what might have been if I’d been induced earlier. I still wish we had all four boys here with us instead of just three.

Tonight, I shall put up a photo of Cameron in our family room.

And I have no doubt Angus will be the first to notice in the morning.

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Why are you just wearing a tummy?

We are in the car, on our way home one day.

Angus: “When I’m a grown up, I’ll choose a car from the car shop. If I need a motorbike, I’ll get a motorbike.”
Me: “You’re not going to need one.”
Angus: “If I need one, I’ll get one.”
Me: “You won’t need one. Period.”

* * *

Again, in the car:

Angus: “Land Rover Discovery is a very long word.”

* * *

At the dinner table one evening:

Angus: “I wont be a grown up for a long time because I’m still three years old for a long time. How old are you mummy?”
Me: “Thirty-two, darling.”
Angus: “Thirty two is a lot!”

* * *

During bedtime with the boys:

Angus: “Daddy, you better kneel down so that you don’t squash me.”

Moments later….

“Daddy, in the morning, the sky turns blue when the earth turns towards the sun, and the clouds turn white, and daddy, when the clouds get full of water, we get rain in the morning.”

* * *

In the morning, while Pete is having his nappy changed:

Rick: “Pete has a pink bottom.”
Angus: “Oh no, that will hurt. When people have a pink bottom, that means it hurts.”

* * *

After a tearful dinnertime one evening:

Me: “Do you know why you were crying?”
Angus: “No. Sometimes you just don’t know why. It just happens.”

* * *

In the car, on our way to the beach:

“I see things and I think about them, oh and I also talk about the things I think about, and I do that all the time.”

* * *

And finally, this afternoon during quiet time:

Angus: “Daddy, why are you just wearing a tummy?”

(You can read more of our conversations with Angus here.)

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It’s raining, it’s pouring…

It’s been raining a lot in Sydney this last week. This summer sure has been unusual. I’m hoping that the weather clears up a bit early next week because Angus is starting preschool on Monday and I want it to be a sunny, cheerful day for him! I know – preschool? Where has the time gone?

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I can’t get penguin to sleep!

It is Monday morning. I’m driving Angus to the speech therapist.

Me: “Would you like to have a babycino at the cafe afterwards?”
Angus: “Sometimes I have a babycino with marshmallows but today I’m having a milkshake.”

* * *

Angus and I are on the way to a birthday party.

Angus: “Mummy, I like you…today.”

* * *

It is 2am in the morning. Rick and I wake up to the sound of Angus screaming in his room.

Rick goes in to investigate.

Rick: “Angus, what’s wrong?”
Angus: “Daddy, I can’t get penguin to go to sleep!”
Rick: “Okay. Let’s put him on the pillow. He can sleep there.”
Angus: “Is he awake?”
Rick: “No.”
Angus: “Can you check?”
Rick: “Penguin, are you awake?” Silence. “He’s quiet, so he’s asleep.”
Angus: “Put him on his back, daddy!”
Rick: “Okay, he’s on his back now. Go to sleep Angus.”
Angus: “Goodnight daddy.”

* * *

It is Sunday morning, and I’m trying to park our Discovery at church.

Angus: “Mummy, you have to park between the two white lines.”

* * *

It is Thursday evening, and I’m a bit upset with Rick for messing up one of the kitchen drawers.

Angus watches as I leave the room.

Angus: “Daddy, can you do the right thing to make mummy happy?”*

*Rick would like me to point out that he usually does. Tis true. He usually does.

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Before happy feet, there was raw egg

You know it cannot end well when your three year old wakes you up with the words, “There’s wet egg in our bedroom.”

Sure enough, upon arriving at the scene of the crime, Rick and I shockingly discovered that Angus had not only transported a carton of eggs from the kitchen but he’d also managed to crack every single one onto some sort of surface. There was egg on the carpet, on the skirting boards, on the wall, on Pete’s sheets, on Pete’s sleeping bag and… on Pete’s face.

I dare not even try to imagine what they were trying to do. (Who needs to eat a nice cooked meal for dinner when you can gorge yourself on raw egg in the morning?)

Start of the day? Not so good.

End of the day?

Sitting on the floor of our bedroom, admiring the bright red nail polish on my toes.

Life is indeed colourful – in every single way.

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Daddy, daddy, daddy!

It’s an hour after normal bedtime, and Rick is desperately trying to get through the bedtime routine with books, songs and prayers.

Angus, however, has other things on his mind:

“Daddy, daddy, daddy… You are wearing a black suit and a red flower. And mummy is wearing a white dress. And you are married. It was your wedding. And you are talking to someone. Pa and Nan took the picture off the coffee table and we looked at it. And then we put it back. And Ben (Rick’s best mate and best man) is behind you in the picture. And he has a black suit too, and a red flower too. Daddy, daddy, daddy… I’m really tired.”

And to think we were once worried he would never speak.

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Land Rover drivers anonymous

You know your spouse is obsessed with Land Rovers if:

  • He walks up to every Land Rover he sees on the street and gives it a good look-in.
  • He waves to other Land Rover drivers or gives them the thumbs up and then gets upset if they don’t reciprocate.
  • He chooses his parking spot based on its proximity to another Land Rover.
  • He posts angry comments on the Land Rover Facebook page about the proposed concepts for the new Defender. Repeatedly.

You know it’s serious when:

  • Your two year old can identify other Rovers on the road (“That’s a little bit like our car.”).
  • He also tells you that his “favourite toy is a Land Rover.”
  • You start waving at other Land Rover drivers too, without even knowing it. (If this has happened to you too, please contact me and tell me I’m not alone. I beg you.)

Despite my tendency to poke fun at my dear husband, I must confess that I’ve actually become quite fond of our Land Rover Discovery. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a pain and a half to get in and out of for a short Asian female like myself, but I genuinely enjoy driving it (though possibly not parking it) and we really do have a lot of fun in it.

Like when we drove to the middle of nowhere back in July, disembarked and spent our family time exploring a little known fire trail. It was completely spontaneous, unplanned and almost uneventful, but it was somehow just lots of fun. (Plus, the boot of our Discovery seriously does lend itself to being the best portable nappy changing table ever, which is handy when you have three kids in nappies.)

What car is your better half obsessed with?

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“I am a good pusher mummy!”

It is night-time. I notice that the boys’ bedroom light is on. Again.

I am not pleased.

I go into their room, give Angus the sternest look I can muster and flick the light switch off.

Me: “Don’t turn the light on again, okay Angus? Do you understand?”

Angus: “I think so mummy.”

* * *

In the car. I’m trying to explain to Angus why he is not to push Pete again.

Me: “It is not loving to push other people. And Pete is your brother. So please don’t push him again, okay? Angus?”

Pause.

Angus: “I’m a good pusher, mummy!”

* * *

Several moments later…

Angus: “My favorite toy is a Land Rover.”

* * *

Outside. Somewhere.

Me: “Oh my goodness!”

Angus: “Oh my goodness!”

Me: “Oh. My. Goodness.”

* * *

Lunchtime. I am trying to convince Pete to stop pouring milk all over himself.

Me: “Listen to me Pete!”

Angus: “Listen to me too, Pete!”

Me: “Pete, listen to mummy!”

Angus: “Pete, listen to Angus!”

* * *

Me: “How did you take off Pete’s sleeping bag?”

Angus: “I undo the button, undo the zip and take it off!”

* * *

Morning. I am still in bed. My blindfolds are still on.

Angus runs in. I feel little hands trying to take my blindfolds off.

Angus: “Mummy, it’s time to wake up because it’s not night time anymore.”

* * *

Me: “Have you done a big poo?”

Angus: “I need to go to daddy.”

Me: “Yes you do. Go now.”

(Linking up with Mon’s joy packets!)

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Father and son

Today I am very tired.

So tired that all I had energy for this morning was to sit on the couch with Jamie on my lap as I watched Angus and Pete systematically take out all their toys from their hiding places (okay, slight exaggeration, but it sure looked like all the toys were out and partying).

Occasionally I tried to interact with them, and no, I didn’t forget to feed them, but mostly I was Zombie Mummy. Never heard of that term before? Look it up. You’ll see my photo.

Currently they are all asleep and Zombie Mummy here is just hoping that maybe they will all remain in said state until their Super Dad returns home from his conference and dons his super hero cape once more.

Anyway, these photos were snapped back in summer earlier this year. It was after our lunch at the Awaba cafe in Balmoral, and Angus had wanted to play on the beach. So Rick rolled up his pants and led him onto the sand and out towards the water while Pete and I watched on from a bench (little Jamie was still in utero).

I love seeing Rick and Angus together like this. Theirs is a special and unique bond that can never be broken.

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Beauty

Yesterday morning as I was drying my hair, Angus sat quietly on our bed and watched me.

As I packed away the hair dryer and turned around to look at him, he said, “Your hair is beautiful, mummy.”

We then lay on the bed side by side for some time as he held my hair in his hand.

“I’m playing with your hair, mummy.”

“Yes you are, little man.”

Such are the moments in the day that make me smile – both inside and out.

Is there anything more beautiful than being a mum?

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