Last week I Googled “how to wear skinny jeans with a muffin top” and was highly disappointed that the top results were about eating properly and exercising.
I wanted a miracle product. Not sensible advice. My endocrinologist could’ve given me that.
Thankfully as I scrolled down the page, there were more interesting results.
The concept of Adjust a Button strongly appealed – but I was quite sure that moving my jeans button 2 centimetres to the left was going to do squat for my particular brand of ‘muffin-top-ness’ that comes from having three babies in two and a half years.
So I went for Spanx.
According to the website, the item I ordered is a “tummy-focused middle-whittler for women” which will “smooth [my] midriff.”
Three results are likely:
1) The shapewear will fit perfectly and I will look like Elle the next time I put on my jeans.
2) I will spend 45 minutes struggling my way into the shapewear, and I will either look a) much the same, or b) totally ridiculous.
3) The shapewear will not fit me even after three hours of trying, and I will end up sobbing on the floor of our bedroom, cursing Google for its misguided and misleading search results.
Today I received the notification that my item had shipped, so I guess we shall find out the answer to this somewhat cruel multiple choice scenario early next week.
Oh, and did you know that there is Spanx for Men?
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